War of the Words

If the pen is mightier than the sword then my co-worker should be shitting ink like a fountain pen.

You ever meet someone who tries to, “Speak above their level.” If you’re thinking me, screw you, go read Rosie O’Donnell’s Blog! I try to drop the occasional “big word” here or there but I generally do so because it fits within the context of what I’m saying. The best is when someone you don’t like tries to drop a “big word” against you and you point out that their use of the word is completely wrong.

The first time this happened at work wasn’t really against an enemy, he’s actually a friend. Still, he was trying to interrupt my presentation so I did take some joy in it. It went a little like this:

Me: This security model gives the administrator more control but can cause end users to be locked out of areas they need. Conversely, in the second model…
Coworker: Conversely?
Me: Yes conversely.
Coworker: You mean, “Pertaining to a conversation?” That doesn’t make any sense.
Me: No I think you're thinking conversationally.
Coworker: I don’t think that’s a word.
Me: Opens up Dictionary.com to the definition of Conversely on the projector.
Coworker: Wow, do I feel stupid
Me: Oh ya!

Today I had a similar battle but with added levels of humiliation and as an added bonus it was against my least favourite co-worker:

Me: Nice Jeans, is it Casual Friday already?
Him: What are you the fashion police? Besides they’re designer jeans.
Me: Oh ya who’s the designer?
Him: Guess™
Me: Calvin Klein!
Him: Huh?
Me: *sigh* It was a play on words! Y’know, “Guess, Calvin Klein!” Work with me here
Him: Oh. Like hyperbole.
Me: Huh? No, then I’d be saying “Those are the most casual jeans that ever existed.”
Him: Crap! I mean Onomatopoeia!
Me: No, then I’d be saying “Bang!” or “Boom!”
Him: Damnit!
Me: Nice try. I think it was just a plain old pun.
Him: Right. Walks away

Game, Set, Match.

A simile is a comparison using like or as, a smiley is one of these :)