Upgraditis

Post #12

My Wife just does not get the male need to upgrade. I don't understand the need for 20 pairs of shoes. Men and women are just different inthat aspect.

Last night when playing paintball I was thinking I could use a new barrel control bore to tighten up my accuracy. When I was playing hockey on Thursday I was thinking I could really use a nice composite fibre-lite stick. When I rollerblade.... Okay my rollerblades are the coolest shit ever so they don't need any more love.

Regardless every hobby I have and every toy I own I always have a desire to pimp it out, supe it up or upgrade it to maximum performance. Of course being a realistic guy I know I shouldn't and most times I don't but I can't keep my inner tinkerer from wanting more speed, more finesse and damnit more power

Insert Tim the toolman taylor barking here

Painty

Post #11

Another good night of paintball except all that painty taste in my mouth.

Some people are just pricks and tonight they definitely weren't me. The term bonus balling really came into affect tonight. After hitting me once (and me putting my hand up and calling myself out) a guy on the other team proceeded to shoot me another 7 times after I already submitted to his deluge of paint. The same player was accused of "overshooting" twice in the same 2 minute game. What a prick.

I on the other hand was a gentleman. I did a run thru on the right side of the field and caught the back left player all alone. It was just a little 4' tall kid with an Ion and I barrel tagged him to let him know he was out. He thanked me for not bunkering the crap out of him. I did another run through later and did the same to another player screaming "MERCY!" instead of drowning him in paint.

A coworker of mine actually joined me for tonight's festivities and showed himself to have the eye of the tiger for the paintballins. He was diving into the snake like a pro in no time. He even dove through the center of the X which I thought was inventive and aggressive both good things. Looking forward to molding him in my image

So close to not done on time!

Gotta strip and lube tonight but it won't be fun.

Post #10

Whenever I think of playing paintball I relish the actual playing of the game. I do not however relish the idea of maintaining my equipment. For those out there who use Tippmans (the AK-47 of paintball guns) maintenance involves squeezing two drops of oil into the bottle adapter and shooting it. My paintball gun is not so forgiving. My marker is considered “High End” which has the benefits of minimal recoil, ridiculous rates of fire, higher accuracy and greatly improved airflow and regulation. If the Tippy is a club the Wrath is a samurai sword.

Unfortunately this samurai sword has low pressure hoses, barbs, a solenoid and more electronics than the nightstand in a divorcee’s bedroom. The process of stripping, cleaning and reassembling my marker is arduous at best. So tonight after hockey I’m looking forward to about 2 hours in the living room with a news paper removing pieces, oiling and reassembling. Yippee. Although it’s all worth it tomorrow night when I’m mowing faces like no-one’s business.

Are those my balls on your face?

I don't mean to be a poseur... honest!

Post #9

It’s funny how some people spend so much time trying to make their cars look cool to 10% of the population and look incredibly gay to the other 90%. Whether it’s the neon running lights, whale tail spoilers or spinner wheel covers there are some serious auto-fashion faux pas. Unfortunately one of these heinous acts was perpetrated on both Daejin and my vehicles by the previous owners.

The act in question is putting a big ass “GT-R” logo on the back. Arguably more silly on Daejin’s car because there wasn’t even a GT model of that year of Protégé. My car is a GT so it almost makes sense… but it’s still gay. For those of you who are not familiar with the genealogy of the GT-R logo that’s no surprise. The GT-R in question was never actually released in North America. It’s the badge of the tuner-screamer the Nissan Skyline. The Skyline is a monster of Japanese car. It’s the Japanese car that makes Detroit shake at its foundation. Featured in one those Fast and… movies it’s a pretty infamous vehicle.

So basically putting a GT-R badge on your car is the equivalent of having Louis Vuiton purse with the Vs and Ls upside down. Anyone who knows anything about cars just thinks it’s really gay. I’ve heard you can use dental floss and a buffer to remove the offending tag. I might just have to do it. Unfortunately I can’t find a stock GT badge for a Tiburon anyway. Stupid Ricers!!!

How you lika my ride I driva sooooo fast bay-bee!

I have almost fallen to the dark side.

Post #8

I don’t even like wearing business casual! I’m more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. Exchanging business cards doesn’t sound like fun to me, it’s work. Heck even standing in the sun drinking beer sounds more like a good opportunity for dehydration than for relaxation. So as you can imagine golf AIN’T my sport. Too slow and too boring. However fate would force my hand. A co-worker of mine had an extra set of clubs his in-laws were getting rid of and the price was right. That price is “Absolutely free.” So whether I like it or not I now own golf clubs, which means I’m only a hair trigger away from actually playing golf. I can only assume next comes white pants, argyle socks and wasted Saturday afternoons.

Mark Twain once said golf is a good walk wasted. Mark Twain is smarter than you and NEVER wore argyle socks!

It’s a retard thing you just wouldn’t understand

Post #7

You can tell a lot by the car a person drives. Odds are if it’s a 40 foot long Buick it’s going to be blue-haired grandma, a lowered civic with a muffler that sounds like a kazoo? Teenaged whiteboy with racial confusion issues, or Asian ricer. These profiles are never 100% correct but they definitely work as a good baseline. From soccer mom’s, to balding men in midlife crises different vehicles naturally draw different personality types. And assholes are natural drawn to the jeep.

I don’t know if it all spawned from the typical testosterone-soaked military attitude but since it’s inception as a commercial vehicle the Jeep has drawn a unique audience. If you look for them closely you’ll start to see them. Like that asshole that parks halfway up a snow bank at the mall during Christmas cause they don’t want to drive around for the extra 5 minutes to find a parking spot. The dood with the 60” mud-runner tires that’s blocking any view of the highway ahead of him, mullet flowing in the breeze and whitesnake blaring. Or like I witnessed today when a Jeep driver pulled out onto the shoulder, drove across the no-man’s land between an on-ramp and the high way only to cut back into the flow of traffic cutting off all the people obeying traffic laws and waiting for the traffic jam to clear.

They’re pretty easy to spot when you see their mission statement. A big annoying bumper sticker that says, “It’s a Jeep thing you wouldn’t understand.” I’d like to get a bumper sticker that said, “Jeep owners, we understand, you’re a bunch of assholes.”

Disclaimer: If you are a Jeep owner and are not a huge asshole please disregard this post and its contents. But odds are you are. Aren't you? Fess up asshole!

I want to knock you out. Or at least break your wrist a little.

Post #6

It's funny I consider myself a pretty peaceful person but at the same time there's this part of me that just has this desire to fight. Don't get me wrong I've never picked a fight in my life. Never been a bully nor a brawler. At the same time I've always felt the desire to learn how to fight. I've been pissed off at my local Good Life lately because they don't have a heavy bag.

Next year I'm thinking of dropping the whole gym membership thing and opting for martial arts again. I could go with Karate again but after 7 years of Karate I don't think there's a lot I would get out of a class. Plus to be quite honest with you I learned more about fighting in a year of Muay Thai than I ever did in Karate. Judo is just not my style. Sure it's great that you know how to throw someone over you shoulder but getting them to stand there and let you do it just isn't likely. Tae Kwon Do always seemed to be too much bark not enough bite. Big flashy kicks but lacking the practicality of simpler strikes. Kung Fu would be cool if it wasn't ridiculously expensive to go to a decent school.

I'm thinking something different this time around, something in the realm of Jujutsu or Aikido. I have pretty good hand and leg strikes but my ability to do joint-locks and pressure point manipulation is non-existant. Either way I figure a little diversity never hurt anyway, who knows maybe I'll be snapping necks at a Steven Segal level in no time!

If Good Life would just let me kick the crap out of their personal trainers that would be the ultimate workout. Have I mentioned I hate personal trainers? By the way, I hate personal trainers.

The hills have balls, the dolls do not

Post #5

Last night the wife and I went to the local theater to check out The Hills have Eyes 2. Last week we saw 300 and Dead Silence. Of the three 300 would probably be the favourite, then again that is to be expected as most people seem to enjoy that movie. Even my buddy's wife who is an uber-Christian wasn't put-off by the gore and boobies. The cinematography was amazing and the movie didn't lull at any point, pulse pounding to the end.

300 Aside the wife and I usually hit the theaters for one reason, Horror Flicks. We went to see Dead Silence hoping for something like the movie The Dolls from the 80s (one of my personal favourites) and unfortunately ended up with something a little more like a neutered Chucky movie. The first time a shadow passes over a ventriloquist's dummy and the eyes change position, that's creepy. The 17th time it's more like, "Ya we know his fucking eyes are going to move!" The overuse of suspense has a counter-productive effect of making you complete numb to the suspense itself. Something happens and you're like, "Oh shit I was supposed to be on the edge of my seat. Oh well." The plot dragged and had holes you could drive a military convoy through. If it's dark a working lantern would appear, if there was a river there was a boat, if the boat was gone... guess what. There was another boat. I think 4 people died in the course of the movie which to me is about on par with an episode of CSI, not a freakin' horror movie. Definitely a snooze and a half.

The Hills Have Eyes 2 on the other hand I found enjoyable. With all the setup done in the original THHE2 doesn't waste your time building up mood. Someone dies brutally in the first 45 seconds of the movie and really the pace doesn't drop much from there. In traditional Wes Craven fashion the deaths are novel. A little humor mixed in with the carnage like waving to someone who's falling off of a cliff with their own disembodied hand. Clever. I thought THHE2 conveyed the "Oh fuck we're dead" motif pretty well. As I find is becoming more popular with modern horror movies, the strongest and most competent members of the group die first, leaving you with a bunch of scared wusses and women. All in all the movie just works. A little The Descent, A Little Aliens and a little Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A good old fashioned bloody-as-hell horror romp.

No snoozes required for that one

Those who can, do, those you can't sell.

Post #4

I don’t talk about my job on here very often. Or at all for that matter. It could be because I’ve always feared my business life getting a glimpse at my non-business life. Perhaps that or I’m occupationally geeky, which doesn’t lend itself well to the image of “Hardcore Rollerblading Guy” or “Vicious Speedball Player.” However, unlike those two things I’m actually really good at my Job. I’m in “Technical Sales” and coming up on year end I’m looking at matching or exceeding an already stellar Freshman year in my role (Sophomore Jinx my ass.) Also, it seems that I’m likely going to be doing my first complete doubling of a sales quarter. What does that mean? 200% Commission, and a guaranteed get-out-of-jail free ticket for at least another 3 months with my boss. Sales might get a bad wrap, but I’ll be damned if the perks aren’t great when things are going well. Well I gotta go I’m leaving work an hour early because I feel like it.

Now if I could just get my hair a little greasier

Roll up the Rim

Post #3

1 in 9 odds my ass! I’m currently at 12 Roll up the Rim cups and 0 Victories! This happens to me every year! Eventually I’ll get a couple in a row in which I’ll win and my odds will balance out but my first run is always terrible. Generally speaking my luck is rather good but in the last few weeks it’s quite obvious (particularly if you read my posts) that I have not been lucky.

Today alone I had two teas and a coffee at Tim Hortons and I got nothing. Not even a freakin' donut. And even if I did get a donut I can't eat it anyway. I've kind of sworn off donuts of late. Though I did have some for breakfast the other day... but that doesn't count.

Anyway zee weekend is almost here and I'm playing paintball tomorrow night so yay!

That was a weak post. Sorry they can't all be winners ;)

Best game you’ve never played

Post #2

When I finished Knights of the Old Republic 2 a couple of months back my lasting thought was, “I paid money for that ****ing thing!?!” The original Knights of the Old Republic was made by Bioware, who are in my opinion some of the best software developers and Canadian to boot! The original was twisting, captivating and exciting. The sequel was boring, uninvolved and buggy as hell. Reloading levels was a common occurrence simply because the game would occasionally execute events in the wrong order causing you to be stuck in the game. Hours of game play lost for nothing. You also had no real connection to any of the characters in your party and became ridiculously powerful within the third of the game and could literally left click your way through any foe, bosses included. Utter disappointment! Then there’s Freedom Force VS The Third Reich. FFVTTR was 9.99 at Wal-Mart in the value games bin. Made by Irrational Games, it’s the sequel to “Freedom Force” which, itself, was apparently a fantastic game. While the graphics won’t blow you away, the voice acting is silly at best and the “cut scenes” look like me screwing around with Macromedia Flash, the game is great. The game is a little RPG a little Real Time Strategy and a bit of Action/Adventure. The characters are fun to use, there’s a boat load of them and once you get it down the interface is very intuitive. Add in the fact that the game is customizable from Stories, to Characters and you get a lot of value for 9.99. Also once I found out you could download superhero meshes and skins from the weeb and use them in the game I was giddy. The Predator Warrior and Predator Hunter are “heroes” I can’t go to battle without. There’s nothing like knocking over a half a dozen Nazi Gorillas off a rooftop with a crushing blow from your Predator Warrior. Trust me.

Knights of the Old Republic 2… the force is weak with this one

Rollerbladers cannot live on bread alone... or at all

Personal Challenge
A post-a-day for two weeks! Why? Well watching my wife work the interweb and pull in a pretty good size audience and in a fraction of the time I’ve been blogging, I got “Teh Jealousy” for sure. So here it goes! 14 posts in 14 days! Can he do it!

Post #1
For those of you who don’t rollerblade (pretty much all of you) this probably doesn’t mean much. To me, it’s an omen of things to call, or a foreshadowing of disaster. Rollerblading has been on life support for a while now. Back in 2005 we were kicked out of the X-Games in favor of such BS as Rally Racing (extreme sport?) Things were getting bad, ASA (Aggressive Skating Association) events were no longer being broadcast, and a lot of major aggressive vendors closed up shop. The biggest probably being Fiziks, at the time the only suspension frame on the market. Since then a couple of new brands (mostly making wheels… big whoop) have sprung up, but none that would really spark a revitalizing of the industry. Daily Bread, the foremost rollerblading magazine in North America, once the publication which all rollerbladers looked to to tie us all together kept getting smaller and smaller. Less sponsorship and advertiser money was blamed for the trimming down of the magazine. Bad has gone from worse as Daily Bread no longer exists. Shelves at bookstores across the land add yet another skateboarding leghumpers, or scrapbooking quarterly in its place. No one will ever walk by and go, “You can do that on rollerblades?” No one will ever think, “I wanna be that guy.” Right now rollerblading is dying, and it’s going out with a whisper not a bang. BE-Mag, based out of Austria is the last voice left for the remnants of a dying society. Do I think rollerblading will die? Yes. Do I think it will live again? Yes. However, I foresee a time in the future when a handful of die-hards retake the respect of the media, organize and force the world to notice. When that happens I’ll be the old dood at the skate park saying, “Fuck yeah, back before rollerblading was cool I could do 540s and Kind Grinds.” Then when asked to prove it I’ll have to cite back pains or arthritis as an excuse.

If you can’t give us this day Our Daily Bread, maybe give us one a few years from now.

Starting uphill, in the snow, on a monday morning...

Well I had to back gingerly out of my driveway today 'cause the bitch across the street parked right across from my house. Gingerly is probably a bit of a misnomer... I think it would be better described as tire-squealing-clutch-popping-spasms. You see if you've never driven a standard before you don't really appreciate how fucking complicated it is to get moving on a hill. Theoretically it's not so bad, you just need to let out the clutch 'til the point it starts to grip and then give it a little gas. Easy right? WRONG! See while you're letting out that clutch like a pro you also gotta let go of the brake. The brake is the thing that's keeping your car from rolling backwards down a hill into an innocent bystander or idiot tailgater. However the brake keeps the car from accelerating... and if the car doesn't accelerate it stalls. Then it rolls back down the hill into an innocent bystander or idiot tailgater. Complicated? Nah not really. So lets bump up the challenge factor!

+ Sudden inclimate weather coating your street in an icy-slick coating
+ V6 Engine and a clutch that says "Fuck you I'm ripping off, I'll see you at home"

So now when I ease out on the clutch the front wheel starts spinning like a motherfucker and skidding all over the place. The wheels never really "caught" in first but I figured I could smooth it out in 2nd. Yaaaaaaaaaaa... no! The shift to second continued poorly. The torque at the wheels just made it skid out like crazy. Third, my car actually started to drift towards the curb and only through some Dakar Rallyesque steering did I advert disaster. Once I got to the main street it was a piece of cake... but I'm not looking forward to next winter.

I wonder if I can find a tank-tread mod for a Tiburon on EBay?

Our New Car

Man when it comes time to buying a car I think you could easily go cross-eyed with options and opinions. You read Consumer Reports and they say, "It's horrible!" look at the Lemonaid Guide and they say it's "Above Average." Talk to your friends and they steer you one way, talk to your parents and... screw that, don't talk to your parents.

Regardless buying a car is not an easy process. After the various issues I've had over the last few weeks with my car, and with warmer weather right around the corner I was getting the itch to purchase. I scoured The Autotrader for weeks, test drove some cars, did a boat load of research and finally bit the bullet this Tuesday. Anyway long story short the new car is a 2003 Hyundai Tiburon GT with only 36000 KMs. It's got 17" Rims, All Leather seats and a V6 engine. It's basically a fun to drive cheap sports coupe. I've been wanting one ever since the new body design in 2003 and I'm happy to finally have one.

Now I just need to figure out that whole driving a standard thing :(

The road to hell is paved with ice and snow

Well if you were a silly bastard like me you might assume that after last week things would start to go well again. Silly bastard!

Tuesday
I was planning on meeting my first customer at 11:30 today in Niagara Falls so instead of driving in to the office I slept in and decided to work from home then head out at 9:30. That was the plan anyway. The soccer mom across the street always parks her car along the curb in front of her house, which is fine except it's right in front of our driveway. So I can't really "gun" the car down the driveway to get over the log of ice left behind by Satan the snow plow driver so I have to make sure to cut the wheel "just so" Well this morning I didn't and I caught some of the hard packed ice and snow under my front axle. That was 9:30. Two and a half hours of chopping ice with a machette, jacking up my car, breaking my shovel and putting boards under the wheels I finally got the damn thing out. A half an hour after my meeting in Niagara Falls. Needless to say I canceled the appointment this morning. Unfortunately now I have to try to juggle my whole schedule accordingly. Is it Spring yet!?!

It would give me great satisfaction to floor my car down my driveway into that fricken car

That was one shitty week!

I was thinking about trying to come up with some kind of witty title for the week I had, but screw that. I'm too drained to bother. Let me take you through this week!

Monday
Having drove a combined total of about 12 hours over the weekend the 1 hour commute to Burlington seemed more horrible than usual. I got to work late, and just my luck my boss happened to beat me there. A customer called with a problem about 4:55 forcing me into a little extra overtime and a longer commute home. Yippee!

Tuesday
Tuesday was full of promise with the scheduling of a customer call in the afternoon I was all setup for a quick 3:30 retreat from work. Denied! The customer canceled and a bunch of paperwork seemed to fall into my lap to keep me busy 'til 5. I got out of the office at the usual time and turned the bend around the corner from the office when suddenly my car died. That might not sound too technical but damnit it died! The car basically turned into a soap-box racer and I fortunately managed to stear it into a parking lot. I called my insurance company to find out I did have tow coverage but I'd have to arrange the tow myself. I called my local Hyundai dealer to see if I could get a loaner. No of course their two loaners were out, and all the rent-a-car places were closed by the time the tow truck even got to me. So I had to call my Wife to pick me up. Unfortunately since my blackberry is about as good at being a phone as it is at being a ping pong paddle she didn't quite catch all my directions and ended up going the wrong way on 2 different highways. When we finally got home it was far too late to enjoy the evening. Eat, Shower, Sleep.

Wednesday
With no means of transportation I worked from home on Wednesday, which wasn't the worse thing ever. Hyundai called in the afternoon, they'd fixed the problem! It was a relay that controls the power to the fuel pump. Sure... whatever. So I gave them my Credit Card info and as soon as the Wife gets home from work we drive all the way to Burlington again. I pick up my car, jump on the highway and it turns into a skateboard again. I pull it off the side of the road and it's toast... AGAIN. Call Hyundai and ask the receptionist to call a tow truck. She's stupid and says she'll look up the number and call me back. Whilst we wait in the wife's car I move all my valuables out of the car and leave a note saying it's being towed. We finally get the Tow company's name and number, I call them. We wait a little bit and the truck arrives. I give the guy the key and we head off. At least we try. The wife turns the key and the engine goes "Hun... hun... hun.........huh...." Dead battery! Excellent. So the (impatient) truck driver grabs his booster pack, we try again "hun... hun... hun..........h" nothing. Now we're freaking out. THe driver goes back to his truck, recharges his booster pack (phew) and gets us going again.

Thursday
6:30 get up and get ready to rent a car. Take all my hockey equipment, jump in the wife's car head to rent office. Website wrong, office not opened yet. Get car. Cobalt (garbage.) Drive to Burlington, Late. Car still not fixed. Mechanics perplexed. Extend rental for another day. More money. Wicked snow storm. Play hockey anyway. 2 goals (yay!) Drive back home (2 hours)

Friday
2:30AM WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH-WAH HOLY FUCKING CRAP THERE'S A BURGLAR!!! Our alarm is going off. I'm running around the house in my underwear carrying a broomhandle like an angry native. Wicked storm has blown the garage door open (left the garage open?) Close garage door, close door to house. Go to bed.
2:39AM BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP Door AJAR!!!! Someone is sneaking in to kill my family! NO IT'S THE FUCKING WIND AGAIN! Prop chair against door handle like horror movie. Put away broomstick. Go to sleep....
at 3:40 when my heartrate finally gets below 180. Late to work again. Go to pick up car, book two quick customer appointments for another early retreat. Start up car. Engine light comes on. Spend 45 minutes fuming while car back in shop. Attempt to rearrange customer meetings. Leave Burlington at 4:00 instead of 3:00. Get home. Play video games. Say goodbye to the worse week ever!

If I had a get out of jail free card for a witty post script, I'd use it now!